What I Wish Would Be Witnessed

If you’ve known me for a while, you know that I’m obsessed with the writing of Jessica Dore. In one of her recent Offerings, she wrote about asking to be witnessed, and I felt like responding to (or perhaps even just sharing) this excerpt:

“Tatterhood was the ugly wild twin of a highly sought-after beauty. Forced to wed a stranger, she lamented to the weird groom, “Why do men never ask the questions that open a woman’s soul?” And then something magical happened. She asked for the precise thing she wanted: “If I tell you what to ask, will you ask me?” He agreed. Which was sort of extraordinary, maybe. But not nearly as much as her asking, if you ask me. 

She named the exact questions to ask and what she wished to be witnessed. 

“Why do I ride a goat? Why do I carry a spoon? Why do I wear a hood?”

And to this day, sometimes when I don’t feel seen I think of her. I think of knowing, with precision, what I wish would be seen. And having the courage to request someone ask me.”

-Jessica Dore, The Offerings

Wow. What a simple yet profound venture. Quite terrifying really. I think of all the time I’ve spent feeling unseen, misunderstood. Was it all for nothing? Should I have just laid all my cards on the table, asked to be asked? Why then, does it feel so important to me that someone inherently knows the perfect question to ask? Could they even know which questions to ask without already knowing the answer?

I began to dream of all the questions I wish someone would ask me.

Why don’t you like Sundays?

What do you think about that shiver that runs through your body?

What are you looking for when you ride off into the world all by yourself?

What are you most afraid of losing?

If you feel as awed as I do by the notion of asking to be seen, I’d love to know the questions you wish someone would ask you. Drop them in the comments.

I promise to ask.